I am a survivor of rape. I was 14 years old at the time. It was a man who used to come to my area daily, he told me he loved me and wanted to marry me. He said if I went away with him, he would marry me. So, I did, and there he raped me. My family filed a missing person complaint, the police found me after 10 days in Uttar Pradesh. When I was at the police station, it was very difficult for me to narrate the entire incident, because I had willingly gone away with that man.

The police took me to ‘court’ (children often refer to the Child Welfare Committee (CW) as a court). My parents were also there. The court told me that they would ‘give’ me back to my parents in a day. They said I would just have to spend one night at the Sanstha (Child Care Institution) as there were some formalities they needed to complete. My family kept asking for me and I wanted to go home too. I still remember the date; it was 8^th March 2020.  

Since then it has been 92 days, I am still at this Sanstha, now I know it’s called a Children’s Home, I was also told that the place they took me to was called a CWC and not a court. During this time here I was taken to Uttar Pradesh for the Panchnama, I was taken to the Panvel court where I gave my statement, my medical examination was done, but no one told me when I could return home.

27 other girls also live here, they have different stories from mine, some stay here out of choice, some have no parents. But for me? I’m here because of Corona and this lockdown, I’m not here because it’s my choice. I have a family; I have a home.

My parents and I live under a bridge, they collect scrape and sell it. That is how they earn. During the lockdown, my parents approached the CWC multiple times to get me back. But every time the CWC says they will let me go after the lockdown. The other day I heard in the news that the lockdown has been lifted, but I’m still stuck here. My parents have no money, they are daily wage earners, they were getting rations but now their water supply has stopped, they have no money to buy kerosene. They wanted to go back to their village. But they didn’t want to leave without me.

I met with the CWC twice and both times they said I was lucky to be staying here, that I was safe, and have been getting food while many others like me were suffering. It’s true, I am lucky, but the didi from the CWC doesn’t understand that more than anything, I want to be with my family.

Sometimes I feel like I made a mistake when I told the police about my sexual assault. Had I not done that maybe I would have still been with my family. Reporting the case, separated me from my family, and now I feel like I’ve been given a double punishment.

My family and the other people living around us don’t know how to read or write. One day Maa came all the way to the Sanstha, she came because the CWC told her to write an application letter for my release.  She was told that the social worker didi would help her write the letter. You know, Maa walked 9 km to get here? Because of the lockdown and to ensure social distancing, I couldn’t even hug her. I was very emotional when I saw her. She walked all this way only for me, she’s been begging the authorities for the last 3 months to release me so she can get her own child back. A CWC member told Maa that if she continued to call them, they would take strict action against here. “Why and how can they take strict action against me, when all I want is to get my daughter back?”, Maa shared with the social worker. Why do people always treat us so badly, is it because we are poor?

When I look out of the window at the Sanstha these days, I see people are walking around, traveling in their vehicles, the markets are open. Everything is as it was 92 days ago. But I’m still here in the Sanstha. If my parents are willing to come and pick me up why haven’t I been reunited with my family? Why did they lie to me saying I would only have to stay at the Sanstha for one day? If there is no lockdown than why am I still here? Why am I still under lockdown?

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In Child Care Institutions (CCI), the discharge (of children above the age of 18) or restoration of children has been put on hold due to the nation-wide lockdown that lasted 74 days. On the 8th of June, the nation began ‘Unlock 1.0’. Social workers working with the children in CCIs have been trying to speak with the CWC to pass the pending orders, but there hasn’t been any development in the same. Children are still living at the CCIs with no idea of what the future holds. While the children are definitely safer at a CCI, it doesn’t necessarily mean it is in their best interest. Are our systems too rigid?