In our experience of working with victims of sexual violence, we have come across situations of violence where many times perpetrators or victims rationalize violence as an act of love. Nazma and Aarti (names changed) are victims of commercial sexual exploitation with whom the team has been following-up, who have been both facing situations of violence in the home.

Aarti stays with her elder sister (Sanjana). She is a minor and would be turning 18 in January 2020. Her elder sister is a victim of commercial sexual exploitation. Aarti and her elder sister do not share an amicable relationship and often are in conflict with each other. Aarti has often discussed her relationship and arguments that take place with her sister, with the social worker. Sometimes, Aarti leaves home only to return late at night to avoid interacting with her sister. 

In her visit in October, the social worker met Aarti and her elder sister to help mediate the differences and provide them assistance. During the entire conversation, Aarti kept saying that she wanted to sever ties with her elder sister and wanted to be on her own. On the other hand, her elder sister accepted that she would hit Aarti and did it as it was her ‘right as an elder sister’. She kept justifying the violence, saying that she did it to protect her sister. The caseworker explained to Aarti and Sanjana that violence was unacceptable, and definitely not a solution to their problems. 

Nazma has currently been staying with her husband and his family. The team is assisting her in getting admission for her further education and linking her to a nearby library for assistance. In a recent visit, the caseworker got to know that Nazma’s husband had been getting physically violent with her. The caseworker asked about domestic violence, and Nazma shared that her husband would hit her if she argued with him. ‘It is often just a slap but no major incidents of physical violence have occurred’ shared Nazma. She added that she believed that every parent had a right to hit their children, and so hence the husband had a right to hit his wife as both were providing for them, and did it out of ‘love’. She kept insisting that it was ‘just a slap’ and that men get angry easily, and women have to bear with it. The caseworker explained to Nazma that violence cannot be acceptable whether it is being inflicted by a parent, sibling, or spouse.

In both cases, violence was being understood as a part of relationships. Nazma accepted violence as her husband’s right over her. Aarti’s sister was inflicting violence in the name of love and protection. The social worker asked both of them to understand how violence was not just about the physical pain but could leave emotional scars as well. Sanjana was reluctant to accept that she was wrong in hitting her sister whereas Nazma agreed that while the society may have led her to believe that violence was justified but to live in the said society, she would have to accept it. In Nazma’s case, she did not even consider a slap to be an act of violence. Such cases highlight that as part of interventions, there is a greater need to talk to the children and their families about how any form of violence anywhere was unacceptable in any circumstances.